Fighting Perfectionism

To the failing perfectionist. To the one who feels as though your best is never good enough. To the one who strives for excellence yet always seems to fall short. To the one who is tired of trying and failing to be a “Champion for Christ”. I see you. I travel these same paths.

Time and time again, I’ve found myself in this cycle of futility—constantly striving to do my best and constantly failing to meet my own expectations. I work and work and work and still, I fail. I don’t make the grade, I feel like I disappoint people, I mess up again and again, and I end up too exhausted to invest in those who are important to me. I have this ideal; life as I want it to be. But reality is far from that ideal, and much of that is due to my own failure. So I put on the pressure to work harder, be better, live up to my own standards. But to what end? I just end up right back here…exhausted, incompetent, drowning in my own insufficiency.

The voices in my head echo a distortion of the voices surrounding me. I hear commonplace phrases like “do your best,” “be a champion for Christ,” “aim for excellence,” and “you’ve got this” and I want to run and hide. All these voices meant to encourage only shine a glaring spotlight on my insecurity. My best isn’t good enough, I don’t have what it takes to be a champion, and excellence is too far beyond my grasp. In an environment primed to support and encourage students just like myself, I’ve often felt hopeless. I thought I was just being realistic, assessing myself as I truly was. But that wasn’t the truth…not the full truth, anyway.

We were never created to strive for excellence and live for outcomes and productivity. My self-assessments were based on performance, and that only makes up part of what we do. Ultimately, we were created to bring glory to our Creator, and at the end of the day the how and what aren’t as important as the why. It’s true that our excellence in performance can give testament to the greatness of our Savior and being a champion for Christ can point the world back to who He is…but only as long as the goal does not become the idol in the meantime. When performance replaces relationships and outcomes replace trust, then no matter the worldly accomplishments they bring, we’ve fallen into failure more dangerous than any success.

To all those who know that painful feeling of not being good enough: there is hope. Yes, we are imperfect. Yes, we are fallible. We will disappoint people and mess up and be overwhelmed by even simple things. That’s part of life. But there is also a grace so powerful it can gather up our weakness and failures and make them perfect in ways we could never imagine. There’s a God who cares so deeply for us, who doesn’t want us to be struggling through life trying to impress Him or others, but simply wants us to invite Him into the struggle and allow Him to catch us when we inevitably fall.

We need to let go of pride that tells us we are enough. We need to stop listening to the well-meaning voices that bring shame in their attempts to encourage. Sometimes our best is not enough and while that hurts, it should serve to point our vision back to where it’s always belonged. We need to humble ourselves to accept the grace of a loving Father who is waiting for us to turn to Him and walk into His sufficient arms. For every failure and mistake, He is there ready to use them in ways our own success could never be used (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

So as we walk into a new year full of challenges, some new and some old, I want to encourage you to stop weighing out your worth based on performance. It’s so tempting to look to productivity, grades, goals, and success as measurements of your worth, but no amount of striving can bring us closer to the One who holds our souls. No amount of striving can save us, because Someone already has. The work left is not our own, but something we have been invited in to be a part of. The burden He gives us is light, not because it’s easy but because He is right here with us, stepping into our messy attempts and using them to accomplish His great plans.

So instead of striving for perfection, rest in His grace. Let the stillness of His presence guide you. You aren’t good enough for the plans He has for you—nobody is. There is beauty in that truth, so lean into it and allow the Lord to gather up the pieces of your failure and transform them into exactly what they need to be. It isn’t up to us to accomplish great things, but to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).