How Do We Respond With Forgiveness?
Many of us have watched Hallmark movies, whether we love them or despise their predictability. Typically, they depict the classic love story: a city girl meets a country boy, family conflicts arise, all culminating in a heartwarming finale, complete with snow on Christmas and a joyous family dinner.
Despite my growing aversion to Hallmark movies due to their formulaic nature, I've come to realize that there's a subtle love hidden within the storylines, perhaps even within the hearts of the writers themselves. It's the love of a family continually setting the table, showing dedication, obedience, and unwavering affection.
I'm not suggesting that this love is always portrayed on our TV screens or in Hollywood, but this visual has haunted my thoughts since last Friday night.
The Faithful Father
Imagine a solitary 60-year-old father living in a house that should accommodate far more than just him. Arguments and discord have left their mark on the well-worn carpet and faded wallpaper, but the aroma of his famous pot roast still lingers in the air. He always makes too much, with the intention of feeding a larger gathering. He envisions it being enjoyed around a table filled with laughter and joyful conversation, but instead, he eats alone, with leftovers to last the entire week. What the movies never illustrate is that this father still sets a place at the table for his daughter, the one who fled straight to college with no intention of returning home. With food and an empty seat at the table, he sits there all night, occasionally peering out of the window, hoping that she'll come home and find rest and comfort once again… (to be continued).
If you haven't already realized, I'm addressing not an earthly father, although this story may resonate with many, but our heavenly Father, Jesus. In the beginning (whenever that may have been), God created the Earth and within it, a garden called Eden. He fashioned this place as the perfect home for His children, Adam and Eve. However, their desires extended beyond what they had. They sought hidden wisdom, concealed for their own well-being, and defied the rules that God had set before them. Consequently, God expelled them to live on Earth, a far more challenging terrain than the idyllic garden.
My heart aches for those whose stories involve being cast out, for those whose choices led them to lose the comforts of the home that seemed eternally entitled to them. I implore you to keep reading. Simultaneously, my heart goes out to those who have had to make the heart-wrenching decision to expel a child. It's by no means an easy choice when you've brought a child into this world and provided them with everything they needed. Why did they rebel? Why did they run, both emotionally and physically? The answer lies in our humanity. Just like Adam and Eve, we are imperfect, we are all sinners, and we sometimes choose to "leave the garden."
However, unlike so many movie endings where the story concludes, and the credits start rolling, our narrative doesn't end there. We aren't meant to be filled with anger, although it might seem justified. It's like those bright neon bracelets remind us: "What would Jesus do?" What would Jesus have done?
In fact, the incredible thing is, we already know the answer: He died for us. And I believe that for many of us, that knowledge has grown dim and distant. I pray that your soul awakens from its slumber with this realization. Someone sacrificed their life for YOUR sake. Someone took the bullet for you. Someone protected you, even when you didn't buckle your seatbelt. His name is Jesus. The Bible tells us that from the moment we sinned (and even before), God had a plan to bring His children back home—the very ones whose choices had led them out of the garden. Through the faithfulness of many, the lineage from which Jesus would be born was established, and it was no accident. We were intentionally and fervently sought after by God, through His Son, with the ultimate goal of one day returning home—back to a seat at the table.
But unlike God, we are flawed and sinful. We make mistakes, and the process of learning to forgive radically is incredibly challenging. God, being holy, was justified in expelling us from the garden because we were the exact opposite—filled with sin and wickedness. So, how did God manage to forgive those who did the complete opposite of what they were supposed to, the complete opposite of their intended nature?
He loved first. It was through that love that He forgave us, granting us the opportunity to return home to Eden if we have faith.
So, how do we, as fallen and broken humanity, learn to forgive others just as God forgave us? How do we forgive those who have cast us out and, in turn, those whom we have expelled? We turn to scripture, the roadmap for living, intricately woven into God's love story where He tirelessly pursued His children. Here we find 3 steps on learning to forgive:
1. Experience God’s Underserved + Overwhelming Love
Before embarking on the journey of forgiveness, it's essential to address the fundamental question: why should we forgive? Why should we forgive the abusive parent, the alcoholic partner, or the deceitful ex? The answer lies in the fact that God loved us first. We are called to forgive because God forgave us. But what did God forgive us from? It was nothing less than eternal death and damnation.
It might sound severe, and that's because it is. Eternal separation from God, a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Now, if we put any of the wrongdoings or ill-will we've experienced under the scrutiny of what God forgave us from, they fall far short. Many of us are victims of traumas that seem insurmountable, leaving us with scars that appear unhealable. However, one day, if you believe, God can heal you both internally and externally. That healing could begin today if you allow the Holy Spirit into your life.
In Ephesians 4:31-32, it is written: "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." This passage teaches us to shed our old selves and embrace our new selves, letting go of bitterness and anger and instead showing kindness and forgiveness, just as God has forgiven us.
In Luke 7:47, Jesus tells us, "I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." This verse underscores the profound impact of God's forgiveness on our lives and the love we should extend to others.
In harsh terms, if you don't believe in God, you might perceive no reason to forgive. No moral code to follow, leading to a cycle of seeking revenge, echoing the sentiment of many Taylor Swift songs: "get back at those who hurt you." Yet, this path leads to an empty abyss. How much more powerful is it to forgive our adversaries? Imagine the strength in witnessing our "earthly enemies" transformed into brothers and sisters. The key is understanding God's love first.
2. Heart Change through Lament, Anger, and Prayer with God
Even as I write this, I can hardly fathom the trials and tribulations each and every one of us has faced in this fallen and sinful world. I'm deeply sorry for the pain and suffering you've endured. You are far more than the sum of your experiences and circumstances. I understand that saying you were meticulously crafted and woven together by God might initially feel more like a punch to the face than the warm embrace it should be. You have every right to be angry, but there is a sacred way to channel that anger, a holy way to lament. Ultimately, we need to turn to God with the emotions in our hearts. We need to lay it all out on the altar before Him.
We were never meant to bear these burdens alone. In fact, we were never designed to endure any of the hardships we face, for sin was never part of God's original plan. However, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we have been granted the strength, should we choose to accept it, to confront life head-on while striving to live a life that mirrors the holiness of Jesus—the way we would have lived if sin had never entered the picture.
God created us in such a way that we are meant to experience our feelings. We were meant to shed tears, to feel anger, and to grieve. However, there exists a sacred manner in which we can express these emotions. What we should not do is bottle them up, storing them away in the recesses of our hearts where they ferment and poison our very souls. I'm reminded of the story of Jacob wrestling with God. While I've never been one for wrestling, this imagery speaks volumes. To wrestle with someone, you must be in close proximity, locked arm in arm, leg in leg. It's a beautiful depiction of how we should approach God with our emotions—not suppressing them, but wrestling with them, engaging with God as we grapple with who we are, as His cherished child, rather than a victim of our circumstances. Indeed, through this process of wrestling with our emotions, laying them before God, and seeking His guidance, we can begin to process the events that have transpired in our lives. This allows us to heal and find the strength to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. To do so any earlier runs the risk of trying to wim an argument rather than win over a soul.
3. Learn to Act for the Good of Others
The final step in this process is perhaps the most concise, yet also the most profound: we forgive. While there may not be a grand or elaborate way to express it, we are called to forgive. It might seem like an insurmountable task, especially when the wrongdoer may never ask for forgiveness. However, it's important to remember that forgiveness is not only for others, but also for us and for God.
Holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness is akin to telling God that we don't trust Him to fix the situation. We often long for control, but God encourages us to let go. Engaging in a tug-of-war with God over control only results in rope burns. We must release our grip and let Him support us side by side, allowing God to take the lead. While I may not have mastered the art of asking for forgiveness, I can be open and transparent about my own journey. In fact, I started therapy recently, breaking the taboo and silence surrounding the subject – it's like a hospital for our souls. During this process, I've learned that I struggle with change, and I don't handle relinquishing control well. I'd rather remain the driver of my life, with Jesus sometimes relegated to the back seat or even the trunk. Yet, Jesus is an excellent driver, I mean he is capable of walking on water, so maybe just maybe I should let “Jesus take the wheel.”
Jokes aside, I have control issues; and I'm actively working on learning to forgive because forgiveness is within my control. I can't control how others will respond, but I can control my own bitterness. I can manage my thoughts, and I can choose to forgive. In doing so, the Lord can heal my soul in ways I never thought possible.
Colossians 3:13-14 beautifully encapsulates this concept: "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony." Through forgiveness, we not only find healing for ourselves but also demonstrate to others that they too can find healing.
Are we leaving a seat at the table for those who have run away? For those we may have outcasted? Returning to the story we began with, it's important to remember that we can only control so much. We can shape the atmosphere of our homes or the state of our dorm rooms. We can choose our words carefully, extend forgiveness, and seek forgiveness from others.
The Faithful Father (Cont.)
…After three long years of cooking extra food and faithfully setting an extra seat night after night, the father's furrowed brow suddenly lifts at the unmistakable sound of tires crunching on the gravel driveway. The piercing beam of headlights penetrates through the curtains. She's home. My daughter is home. He rushes to the kitchen, roast in hand, his heart pounding with anticipation, and flings the door wide open.
"My daughter, I have set your place; hurry and find rest at my table!"
"Dad, I'm sor..."
"Hush," he interrupts with a smile that radiates love, "I have been waiting for this day
since the day you left. Now, enjoy!"
In the same way God originally intended Eden for His creation, He waits for us patiently, yearning for our return. Jesus loves you. He forgives you. As Zephaniah beautifully expresses, "On that day I will gather you together and bring you home again... [I] will take delight in you with gladness."
So, let me ask you this:
- Are you willing to forgive others?
- Are you leaving a seat open at the table?
- How long are you willing to wait?
As we ponder these questions, may we find the strength to follow in God's footsteps, extending forgiveness, leaving a seat open at the table, and waiting with patience and love for those who have wandered away.
How Do We Respond
We Respond With a Seat at the Table
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