Alex's Story of Transformation
“‘You were so happy when you were younger, you had the biggest smile. Where did you smile go?’ My mother said this to me for nearly my whole life. But to answer her question, my smile died when I was 8, as I was introduced to the world, to all of its pain and struggle.” -Alex
The story described in this post is that of my dear friend “Alex”. His name and other identifying details have been altered to protect his privacy and those involved. Through a nearly two-hour interview, I had the opportunity to hear Alex's story—how he went from surviving in a verbally abusive household to living a Christian life at Liberty University. I pray this post illustrates the complicated nature of sexuality and restores humanity to those who struggle.
Life at Home
Alex had a very difficult and challenging upbringing. He grew up in a classic nuclear family with a mom, dad, and a younger sister. With a roof over their heads and food on the table, Alex considered himself blessed as his family had earned everything they had. However, things took a turn for the worse when his father started to pit Alex against his younger brother. Over the years, through cross country and debate, Alex’s dad enforced the idea that his son needed to earn his love and approval, and until then, it would only be bestowed on his pride and joy—his daughter. From as early as five or six years old, Alex felt like he was always falling short of his father’s expectations and, consequently, just short of feeling loved.
It is no wonder that Alex started to lose hope of feeling loved.
During, and shortly after this time, Alex began to be bullied at his Baptist church. He was called gay and derogatory slurs by his peers both to his face and behind his back. Sometimes the volunteers would chuckle along without intervention.
He would leave church disheartened, desiring to be comforted by his family. But “home” for Alex had become a life behind enemy lines where his mother used gay humor like a venom-tipped dagger, slashing the heart of her only son. And rather than protecting his household from all types of harm, his father was silent except for when he lashed out with counterstrikes reminding his son that he would never be worthy of love. After nearly 8 years of “war”…it is no surprise that Alex ran away at 16.
Life in the World
Although he moved back home shortly after leaving, Alex traveled extensively across the globe, leaving his broken family life behind him. Through his business ventures, he was able to support a habit of heavy spending. Now on his own and self-sufficient, Alex felt invincible. He began to openly explore his sexuality while traveling the United States and abroad. However, behind all the fancy dinner invitations and names on the guest list was just a hurting boy, desperately trying to reignite the slowly dying flame of his heart.
Without Someone’s intervention, the flame might have extinguished.
It wouldn’t be an honest story without mentioning Alex’s battle and journey through his mental health. For much of his life, Alex struggled with suicidal ideation. Failing to justify the grotesque nature of his lustful thoughts and actions, he attempted to cut multiple times, desperate for what would have seemed like peace in his mind—desperate for a moment of silence. But somehow, holding the knife in his hand, it became far more real. His soft brown eyes, then bloodshot red, were just desperate for one person to love him unconditionally. Reflecting on his life was like sand sifting through an hourglass, time running short. His family crushed, the Church cut, and the world tossed Alex’s heart to the side of the road. Would there be a Samaritan (cf. Luke 10) to save him?
Life at Liberty University
Most would not suspect that Liberty University, the world’s largest Christian university, would not become the home of Alex, a then 18-year-old rebel and self-proclaimed bisexual. But as a last-ditch effort to fan the flames of his heart, in walked Alex. He lived like most on campus. He avoided the party scene (maybe because of its lack thereof), attended convocation, and later in the year, Liberty’s weekly worship gathering called Campus Community. Although many would have thought Alex was on the top of the world, behind all the popularity, designer clothing, and fake smiles was a man just desperate for his emptiness to be filled.
The next part of Alex’s story is best described by the book of Acts in the Bible.
“When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting” (Acts 2:1-2, ESV).
Alex was met with God’s grace and mercy. The Holy Spirit now resides in him.
How do I know that? The same way I know if there is wind looking beyond a window—are the leaves moving? Alex’s life is like walking through a forest on a spring afternoon—the leaves aren’t just moving, but so also the branches. When I first met Alex, I was met by someone who was joyful, confident, and poised. Without knowing it yet, I was sitting in the presence of someone who had placed their identity in God and was growing in his ability not conforming to the patterns of the world. He had been and was being transformed (cf. Romans 12). Although Alex still experiences mixed attractions to both men and women, he holds fast to the conviction that God either created him for a relationship with a woman or to remain celibate, both equally capable of glorifying God.
Although progress is still being made, Alex’s relationship with his parents is better now than it has ever been. Although it was an unwritten story in this post, Alex’s mother and father have personally been transformed in the past couple of years. Having separated before Alex ran away, they have since gotten back together and now pursue Christ together, as a couple and as a family. Through this change, Alex recently had his first honest conversation with his mom regarding how her comments and humor really impacted him, leading to a restoration he didn’t know was possible. Still being mended is his relationship with his dad, but like never before, he stands proud of his son and all he accomplishes.
Life in the Future
Although I haven’t known him for long, I am so excited to see the impact Alex continues to have for the sake of the Kingdom both now and that to come. Being a studio arts major, Alex has the unique opportunity to engage with a community that is currently more affirming of the LGBT community—many identifying as a part of it themselves. When asked about where he is headed, Alex responded saying,
“Although I won’t be perfect [on this side of heaven], I feel that Jesus wants me to bring His love to the studio arts."
In our conversations, Alex has always led with humility, making it clear to me that he doesn’t always have the answers and sometimes stumbles into sin. However, as he was two years ago for the first time, Alex is reminded daily of the life-saving grace offered through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, his Savior. Alex's testimony is far from over; the rest of his life is living proof of God existence for he has been transformed.
“I am not defined by my sexual attractions. Jesus asks me to follow Him. I am defined by my response.”
How Do We Respond?
There will be another post unpacking pieces of Alex’s story and how it should influence our Christian engagement with the LGBT community. For now, reflect on the power of words and how they can be used to either uplift or tear down those in the LGBT community.
My goal for "How Do We Respond" is to both highlight voices and stories of former and current members of the LGBT community and be a resource for Christians to engage with both truth and love. Alex's story is a such a strong reminder that no one is "too far gone" for the Lord. May you be reminded of this throughout all of June and the rest of your life.
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How Do We Respond?
We Respond With Praise
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